Near the end of my junior year in high school, I felt my time spent outside of school was being wasted. I knew I needed something that would fill my heart with joy while being helpful. Previously I looked to help, which gave me joy, in relationships, but I always ended up disappointed. After my girlfriend and I broke up, it became apparent to me that I was looking for such fulfillment in all the wrong places. I didn't really have any direction or idea of what to do, but I knew that I would know what I needed when it presented itself to me. Many times I found myself praying on this subject; trying to let go of my desires and be led to where I might be wanted. On a rainy day in the car with my mom, she mentioned that I could volunteer for a branch of the Young Life organization, called, "Capernaum." Capernaum is a safe haven for kids with disabilities to congregate, learn about each other, and develop their faiths. A few years back I bonded with one of my friend's little brother who has down syndrome, so my mom and I figured Capernaum would be a good fit for me. Little did I know what was in store for me.
The lessons I have seemed to inadvertently learn are things that I will never forget. One lesson I learned was at my first visit to the Friday "club" Capernaum holds every other week. It was an open house, in a way, for parents and friends to see what their friends and family were doing. Upon walking into the church gym where club was held, I had a peculiar wave of emotion overcome me. It wasn't fear or discomfort, but a feeling of acceptance and family. In a world where these kids may be a minority, on these Fridays I become the minority. Back to the actual topic; the lesson I learned was to be outgoing and accepting. At first, even though I felt welcome, I was still a bit shy around all these new people. As the night went on I did become far more outgoing. A contributing factor to me becoming that ways was probably due to my name being volunteered to play this game where the adults and leaders were blindfold while attempting to find and sit on a bucket. One can imagine how well that works. As I stumbled around in front of a large crowd of kids and adults, I heard a noise that has changed me, for good. This noise wasn't any obscure or abnormal noise; in fact I've heard it probably every day of my life. This noise was laughter, except it was the laughter of these kids; these "minorities," these "outcasts." Laughter in itself is great, but hearing the pure joy these kids had in the simplest stumble or collision of the blindfolded, was absolutely heart-opening. By heart opening, I am referring to the previous lesson I learned, about being outgoing. From this eye and heart opening experience, a whole new future had begun for me.
On the topic of laughter, comes my second accidental lesson. After my first club, I decided to start volunteering and signed up to be a leader for the summer camp trip. during the first few get-togethers, whether it was a leader meeting or just time spent together before the kids arrived, I noticed that all the people who allowed themselves to laugh and potentially be made noticed by others, were having a far better time doing whatever they were doing; they were full of life and love. Although this lesson isn't very concrete or substantial, when I learned to laugh openly and frequently, even if I might draw attention to myself, that I began to become part of the group. I wasn't the most outgoing person there, simply because I'm a 17 year old junior with a bunch of closely knit college kids. One would think means of entry would be difficult, but the thing is, it wasn't, all I had to do was laugh; take joy in where there was joy and show how I felt about it. This lesson is hard to put into words, which is why deciphering the meaning or even the actual lesson might take a creative mind to understand because the connections I draw in my mind aren't necessarily the same ones someone else might make.
Now summer had come, and I had communicated with the area director about volunteering as a leader for the trip up to the summer camp. We sat down for coffee, went over a packet with the dates, expectations, and those types of things. At this point, I had just found out that I would be a buddy to a Capernaum kid for the whole week. I would take them to meals, help them with what they needed help with, talk to them, and just be a friend for them. In other words, I was going to be with my buddy 24 hours a day, for a week. I was told that I could take a break; ask a fellow leader to take over for an hour so I could get some alone time; take a long shower, go for a walk, watch the sunset, stuff like that. Knowing my tolerance with kids like these, I figured I wouldn't need one, but that I'd take one anyway. This is where my third lesson is learned. Jumping forward a month or so, after a long bus ride of excited kids and Hannah Montana being played on the bus TVs, I was worn out. We all exit the bus to be greeted by around 30 of what we call the "work crew." The work crew is comprised of high school kids who have devoted 3 weeks of their summer to a fairly intense labor volunteer position. Oh, also, these spots are incredibly hard to get; there are people all around the country applying for these spots. I asked myself why people would do that, though I'm not going to answer that now. So, we got off the bus and had our entire load of luggage carried to our cabins for us. The work crew probably did around 15 bus loads of this and didn't complain a bit. This particular lesson was learned over the week, but began here. I learned to not succumb to self-pity, and think that things were overly stressful. I realized this when I saw the work crew, noticed what they were doing compared to what I was doing, and realized how easy I had it.
Jumping straight into my fourth lesson, is the answer to why the work crew did what they did. As the week passed by and I interacted with many of them, I realized they all had one thing in common; they had God's love in their hearts. Whether they were cleaning toilets or helping harness in a rock climber, they did it with a glad and cheerful heart. These kids loved to serve because they were serving as a means of outreach as well as praise. No other place have I ever seen such a fire burning as brightly in anyone as I did while being around the work crew. Now, jumping back to where I mislead you into thinking you were going to get a simple answer to what lesson I learned, and for that I ask forgiveness. As you can see I have so much to say about these people that it just tends to flow right out and keep on going. Luckily, that ties directly into the lesson that I learned. I learned that if I had to do something either for someone I didn't want to or if I simply just didn't want to do it, that I could do it as a means of praise and worship; being a servant to the Lord. This lesson one might assume that I would have previously learned in church. To avoid such assumptions, my response is: yes, although I knew of this lesson, I hadn't had an opportunity to apply it in my life yet. So it was merely just a thought or a collection of words with meanings I knew individually, but collectively I could not truly define. This lesson reaches extremely far into many parts of life, which is why it took a while for me to begin comprehending it. I'm still learning parts of it to this day, actually.
The last lesson I learned, well that I am choosing to speak on, is the lesson my heart was searching for; the lesson or feeling that I knew I needed in my heart. This lesson is short and simple: Enjoy the little things. There it is, the grand finale of my lessons learned. This lesson turned out to be one that I will treasure for as long as my mind remembers it. Mentioned earlier in this post was my stretch of a foreshadowing bit of naïveté on my part. Unfortunately, I am going to quote myself, "Knowing my tolerance with kids like these, I figured I wouldn't need one, but that I'd take one anyway." To tie these overlapping lessons and stories together, I will add an additional story, so bear with me. I have a picture on my computer that I took with my phone in our cabin. The picture shows a leader up on the top bunk, exhausted and catching a few z's, while below, the intense energy of our kids didn't diminish. Every chance that I had to sit back, relax, and take a second to pray or just simply breathe, I would take it. I began to understand why I was instructed to take an hour long break at some point, which was because no matter how much you love these kids, their energy level doubles, if not triples ours. So regardless of their intentions, you just get worn out and need a break. It took some courage to be comfortable enough saying to another leader, that I was annoyed by a kid or something that they did. I say this because when working with kids like this, you're expected to have an understanding for them and to admit personal defeat by letting yourself become angered by it, is hard to do.
I prayed many times for something to fill that void in my life. Now that I have it, I am undoubtedly the happiest I have ever been and it seems to just be getting better. Of course I still have troubles and days of sorrow, but that place in my heart I was constantly trying to fill, is now home to a love of God's love that pours out of these kids' hearts. I don't know what is in store for me next, but what I have now, is what God has given me. This is just another vocalization of thanks I give to Him.
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